We don't know if you've noticed it, but Americans have shitty taste in music. Take the Kings of Leon for example. They made two amazing, hard-rock albums that culminated with a #3 chart for Aha Shake in the UK...& #55 in the US of mothafuckin' A. Yet when they went full retard ("mainstream") and held a lighter to their balls ("Sex on Fire")...what do you know, us Americans sit up & take notice. Well, not us Americans, that is. You Americans. You, the dorks who only need 16 gig iPods. You who've never heard of Headbanger's Ball and Tivo Jersey Shore. You who this week bought Evanescence into the Billboard Top 10. Sit down & pull out your pencils, 'cause class is in session. Here are the Top 5 Greatest American Bands...Right Now. (p.s. The Kings ain't one of em'.) Rules: 1. No bands with Greatest Hits albums. Apologies to Foo Fighters, the Chili Peppers, & the Drive-By Truckers (by one month!) cause you mofos are still bringing it. 2. The White Stripes broke up (if only we hadn't taken a one year break!). 3. Average live audience age must be under 35. History doesn't count, Metallica. 4. Band must be a band, not a ...

Some people are born with music in their blood, and some people are born with music in their balls. Giant, fleshy, swaggering balls of unbridled rock & roll, that is. Around here, sibling rivalry & boyhood fights don't end up simmering over awkward Thanksgiving dinners after your little brother finally comes out of the closet. Around T5G, it comes out in thrashed power chords & platinum albums. These are the top 5 greatest family bands of all time. Rules: 1. Only two siblings, cousins or red-headed stepchildren required. 2. No husband & wife combos allowed. Sorry Mr. & Mrs. White Stripe. 5. The Kinks Brothers Ray & Dave Davies (awesome name, Dave) formed The Kinks in 1964 and road the waves of the British Invasion to rock superstardom. We can't blame you if your knowledge of this hall of fame family band only extends to Lola & Wes Anderson movies. Required listening: Lola Versus Powerman and the Moneygoround (1970) 4. The Jackson 5 Just think, all it takes to become one of the greatest family bands of all time is to spend every day of your childhood scared that ol' Joe Jackson is gonna beat that ass. Required listening: Diana Ross Presents The Jackson 5 (1969) 3. The Allman Brothers ...

Like Willis Reed, Mickey Rourke, & Britney Spears' ass, T5G is digging down deep into its scrotum & pouring out everything we've got for a "Holy crap, did you just see that?!" kinda comeback. After months of fighting against international espionage (aka technical difficulties), we're back, baby. Back in black. To commemorate the occasion, we're knocking you upside the head with the Top 5 Greatest Comeback Albums of all time. Write down the date, cause one day your grandkids are going to ask where you were when T5G came back against all odds. Rules: 1. It's greatest comeback albums, not greatest comebacks.   1. American Recordings - Johnny Cash (1994)   Johnny Cash gets a lot of love 'round these parts, & for good reason. The Man In Black was the baddest man to ever pick a guitar, so it comes as no surprise that his was the greatest comeback album of all time. From beginning to end, American Recordings reminds us that Johnny Cash was the truth.       2. Van Lear Rose - Loretta Lynn (2004)   In 2004, a lot of hipster fags didn't like that Jack White was playing traditional country. A lot of country purists didn't like Loretta rocking out on Portland, Oregon. They're all idiots. ...

Sure, sure thousands of albums have thousands of great songs. There are even albums that have back-to-back classics. But as we all know, good things come in threes. From the Dahm Triplets to the chick on Total Recall, with 3... well you know, the best things always come in threes. Having back-to-back-to-back classics on the same album separates the great albums from the albums that define a band or artist. Here are the Top 5 Greatest 3-track runs on a single album. Rules: 1. Must be 3 songs in a row from the original studio release and not a re-release. 2. Cannot be a live album or compilation. Number 1: Thriller - Michael Jackson 4. Thriller 5. Beat It 6. Billie Jean The prince of pop. His greatest work and some might say his three greatest songs. * May or may not be actual video.   Number 2: Joshua Tree - U2 1. Where The Streets Have No Name 2. I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For 3. With Or Without You There may not be two better songs to begin an album than the first two tracks on Joshua Tree. But three. Wow!     Number 3: Grace - Jeff Buckley 5. So Real 6. Hallelujah 7. Lover, You Should Have Come Over This could go tracks 4 to 6 ...

The elusive frontman. The guy you don't know much about because he stays behind the scenes, picking up the trash, doing the dirty work. The unsung hero in the world of hip tunage. Wait a minute - who gives a crap about unsung heroes?! We want to watch ROCKSTARS. We want hip shakin' sexified pure unadulterated superstars! Here's our celebration of the Fender Strats of mankind, the top 5 greatest frontmen.   Rules: 1. Must be a member of a band with at least four members. 2. Can't have been overshadowed or equalled in renown by another member of their band. 3. Can't be a solo artist performing with a regular band, i.e. Springsteen & the E Street Band.   1. Mick Jagger - The Rolling Stones We could've named this list "Mick Jagger & the top 4 second-greatest frontmen." If Elvis invented rock, Sir Michael Phillip Jagger invented the rockstar. No one ever commanded a stage more emphatically than the Stones' frontman, and he's still killing it today. Tip of the cap to ya, guv'nor.     2. Jim Morrison - The Doors As much as I'd love to find some cool, rare picture of Jim Morrison that you've never seen, to do so would be an injustice to this iconic image ...

  The 70s. Jesus, what a decade for music. All disco aside, some of the greatest bands ever were born or evolved from 70 to 79. A couple of guys went solo and really found their sound. There were hundreds of great albums and thousands of great songs. At T5G we like our women to be top heavy and our albums to have some in the rear. Here are the top 5 greatest closing tracks of the 70s. But we do like 70s boobs!   Number 1: Lawyers, Guns and Money - 1978 Excitable Boy - Warren Zevon The rock song, featuring Zevon on piano in a four-piece band, discusses a date with a waitress who turns out to be associated with the Russian mafia, a risky gamble in Havana that his father has to bail him out of, and his subsequent exile in Honduras. (Totally stolen off Wikipedia!)   Number 2: Train In Vain (Stand By Me) - 1979 London Calling - The Clash Number 292 on The Rolling Stone 500 Greatest Songs of all Time list, this number by The Clash was their first song to break the US top 20. My friends, it does not get much better than this in any decade.   Number 3: Free Bird - 1973 Pronounced Leh-nerd ...

Whether you love 'em or hate 'em, Greatest Hits albums are a huge part of music. If it wasn't for the greatest hits album, we wouldn't have such songs as Mary Jane's Last Dance and When I Paint My Masterpiece. Even though we've gotten a few songs that should have stayed off the "hits" albums, ie We Will Rock You (Warrant version) and Anarchy In The UK (Motley Crue version). With a few exceptions the "hits" albums can be great for parties but we encourage you to dig deeper into these 5 artists' catalogues. That is where you will find the real treasures. So as bad ass as some greatest hits albums are, these are the follow ups that kicked the shit out of the first ones (or at least were a little bit better). Enjoy!   Rules: 1. Must be better than Volume 1 2. Must not include any of the same tracks   Number1:   Alabama - Greatest Hit Vol. II (1991) Born Country, Dixieland Delight and High Cotton on the same album...  is there anything better?   Number 2:   Bob Dylan - Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II (1971) Two discs of classic and rockin' Bob. Just edges out Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits.   Number 3:   The Rolling Stones - Through The Past, ...

  The back bone of any good rock band, as we all know, is booze, drugs and hookers. Well there's also the other backbone: the rhythm man (or woman - shout out to Meg White) behind the kit. Whether at the three minute 41 second mark in "In The Air Tonight" or Neil Peart playing 738* drums at once for 10 minutes straight, the drum and the drummer can make or break a song. Today we bring you the 5 most badass men with the sticks. * Actual number of drums Neil Peart has in his 360-degree kit is unknown to any man, and the exact number could make a mortals head explode.   Number 1: Keith Moon - The Who The wild man. Trying to kick one drug, another one got him. R.I.P Keith.     Number 2: Stewart Copeland - The Police Having seen this man live and knowing the level of intensity at which he plays is unbelievable. He wears gloves when he plays and he himself has said, "I have pussy hands." Sir you do not need any excuses - just keep banging the shit out of those things.     Number 3: John Bonham - Led Zeppelin Another one who went well before his time. Moby Dick. Do I need to say ...

I used to know this depressed hippy kid back in college who always said he was going to make an album called Black with 12 untitled songs. That was before he discovered coke. Two weeks later, he named that crap Ride the White Horse. Coke's a hell of a drug! This list will put the last nail in his coffin and pay homage to all the musicians who made albums with a color in the title.     Rules: 1. Color must be a single word. "Rednecks" doesn't count. 2. Title must refer to the actual color, not something concrete that shares a name, i.e. Music from Big Pink. 3. Must be the album's actual name. The White Album doesn't count. 4. Must be a real color, found in an 8 pack of Crayola markers. Except for violet. That shit is purple, bitches.   1. Back in Black (1980) - AC/DC From the first spine-tingling toll of a bell from hell to the anthemic proclamation that no, ma'm, rock does not happen to be noise pollution, this AC/DC album rocks like little else ever has.    Best Track: You Shook Me All Night Long   2. Goodbye Yellow Brick Road (1972) - Elton John With an opening track like the epic "Funeral for a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding", you ...

  Nothing gets T5G more excited than to hear an artist or band is working on a side project. We love the side project. It's a time when an artist can be creative without having to follow the same pattern that they sometimes get locked into. With a band the side project is a way for them to explore new musical styles and express themselves in a new way. Yes we love the side project... unless it's the Foxboro Hot Tubs.   Rules: 1. Side Project must be completed while the artist or artists are active in other current bands. 2. They must be the shiznit!   Number 1: Traveling Wilburys What started as a few guys trying to make a b-side to a George Harrison single turned into the most phenomenal side project of all time. Dylan, Harrison, Petty, Orbison and Lynn. What else can you say.   Number 2: Gorillaz Everything Damon Alburn touches turns to gold. The Gorillaz is no exception. This guy can make outstanding music.    Number 3: The Raconteurs We have said several time on this website and T5G will stand by our statement that Jack White is the man. He is the biggest badass in rock music right now.    Number 4: Oysterhead The greatest living drummer teams up with one of the greatest bassists ever plus Trey ...